Student Farewell

28 October 2013

This was my official last day going to school. I wasn’t even supposed to go in this week, but the school wanted me to give my farewell speech this morning. Last week, the Monday assembly was very short due to an early start to the Form 4 exams, so we had to do it this week.

I arrived extra early so that I could give some teachers a small gift. This weekend I printed several photos and put many into frames for the teachers who have made the largest impact on my time – all of the English teachers, the head administrators, and a few others. I also gave photos to many of the other teachers with a short thank you note and a small gift.

I wore the new baju kurung that Rozillah bought and gave me from the BAG – the teacher’s association – at the annual teachers’ dinner on Wednesday night. I received many compliments on it.

The assembly started as usual. I sat in front with the head honchos of the school. The headmaster was not here today, so Haji Anuar gave the farewell speech. First, I had several students speak, very briefly. Three Indian girls from Form 1A said a few words. Next, Ina, from 4A gave a short speech thanking me for everything we did in class and outside of class this year. Tuan Haji Anuar spoke next. As this was one of the last assemblies of the year, he had many items to address with the students, so he spoke for a long time. The end of his speech was about me. And he even addressed me in English. He told the students that at the annual dinner, I said a pantun to end my speech. A pantun is a four lined traditional Malay poem used as a form of expression often said at important gatherings. He recited the one I said for the students, and then responded to it. (it happened to be the same pantun I used to end my farewell speech to the students). He told the students that I will be returning to Malaysia to teach another year, but we don’t know where. I believe he said that he hopes I return to SMK Labis.


My Form 1A students speaking on my behalf


Tuan Haji Anuar giving a farewell speech

People don’t tend to directly tell their feelings to others, but I do feel that I have made a significant impact on the school and on the teachers. I am honored to have worked with such an amazing group of people this year. I can’t believe these 10 months are already over. Just shows how time continues moving no matter what.

After Haji Anuar spoke, I was invited to say a few words. I prepared my speech last night over dinner with Hasnul. It was entirely in Bahasa Malaysia, the national language. There were several points where I was given a round of applause by the students. Among other things, I said that if I can learn BM in one year, I know they can learn English. Try. Don’t be afraid to make mistakes. Have confidence and be brave.


My speech

Next was the gift giving portion of the ceremony. Earlier, the students had given money which was collected by the teachers who then bought gifts to give me from the classes. Each form, including upper and lower form 6, gave a gift. Several teachers gave gifts of their own accord also. The back seat of Thilaga’s car was quite full, but I did manage to bring everything home.


Teachers giving gifts


Students giving gifts

After the singing of the National Anthem, all of the students lined up to Salam me, boys and girls alike. Nearly 700 handshakes, perhaps 100 hugs, many thanks and goodbyes. When my upper form six girls came to me,I teared up. It looked like one of my students, to whom I am very close, was going to cry, so of course I started tearing up. Luckily the students wanted to take a picture at that time so the sad moment was broken. I’ll miss those girls tremendously.


Saying goodbye to every student

Many goodbyes. Many gifts. Many hugs. Many pictures. Many sad faces and hopes to see each other again. I took pictures with the cleaners and the canteen women. I love them all! They don’t speak much English , but man, I feel a connection to them. Always smiling and always greeting me, even though the conversation was minimal.


The canteen workers

I can’t believe I won’t be seeing this exact group of people again. Next year, if I return to the same school, the upper form six and form 5 students will be gone and they are some of my closest friends. There will also be a whole new batch of Form 1 students. The headmaster may not return next year as he has applied to transfer closer to his home. Some of the teachers may be gone. But even though there will be changes, more people than not will be remain. And for that, I am very excited.

*****

I sat in the front row, looking out over the entire student body, faces that I’ve grown so used to seeing every day. Faces that are no longer just faces, but the expressway into the personalities of beautiful, intelligent young men and women. Eyes that sparkle, smiles that light up the room, laughs that are contagious, minds that are brilliant beyond expectations. I’ve grown so attached to these individuals, this group of unique personalities, I can’t believe I have to leave.

A Day Spent on Cloud 9

Special Moment #1

The school day began with playing a new (to me) version of group Rock, Paper, Scissors with several Chinese boys who don’t speak much in class. Their laughter was contagious. In this game, everyone starts with one hand. When only two options are present (ex. everyone plays rock and paper), the losers stack their hands in the middle and then use their second hand. When everyone, except one person, has both hands in the stack, the hand on the bottom of the stack is removed and challenges the initial winner. The new loser places his/her hand on top. The game continues like this – one v one – until one person has both hands out. They are dubbed the ultimate winner. Can you just imagine the laughter and joking that occurred when I had to put my hand on top of a male student’s hand? Such silly students.


Special Moment #2

Next, I had English with Form 2B. Their regular teacher had a teacher’s program today, so she was not in class. 2B is a pretty good class anyway, so it was no problem for me to take them alone. We wrote “Letters to Leslie,” a lesson I’m doing with many of my classes. Since I leave in a couple weeks, I want the students’ feedback on the activities and programs we have done this year. As they were being good students, I also played music for them from my laptop and we all sang along to some of their favorite songs. I usually only stay for one class period, but because their English class on Friday is three periods and their teacher was absent, I ended up staying for all three periods. And we all enjoyed it.

During the second period, the relief teacher came with an assignment for them to complete. It was pretty good timing since most of the students had just finished their letters. Of course, they were not thrilled that we now had work to do. It was a worksheet about one of the poems they read earlier this year and one that is bound to be on their final exam. I tried to get them to work on it alone first, and some students did, but then we ended up doing it together. But overall, they were really good today and made me quite happy.




Special Moment #3

During the lower form break, I joined a group of Indian students. I joked around using a mixture of English and Bahasa Malaysia. We laughed and laughed. I tried to get them to dance with me, but they were all malu (shy). However, one student did teach me a few Tamil dance steps, to the amusement of everyone watching. I don’t even remember what we talked about, but it was a grand time.


Special Moment #4

After the break, I tried to do a bit of preparation, but ended up talking to a few of the male teachers instead. What great guys. Always joking, laughing, and having a great time. I’m getting to know them better now through futsal and our nearly daily discussions in the teacher’s room. One says he wants to come to America, but was baffled when I told him how much a flight ticket is. I told him to start saving.


Special Moment #5

My final class of the day, 4B, we also wrote “Letters to Leslie,” but first we spent several minutes laughing and joking at me being silly and speaking BM. With music playing and me singing and sometimes dancing, the students started writing their letters. I told them that I wouldn’t read their letters until I leave Labis and that got them excited to write. One student, however, wanted me to read part of his:

“It may take only a minute to like teacher someone like you, only an hour to have a best friend like you and only a day to love teacher someone like you but it will take a lifetime to forget you. Teacher Leslie!!!”

All smiles. Quite touched.


Special Moment #6

Later in the afternoon, all of the English teachers met in Segamat at the restaurant Secret Recipe to have a farewell dinner for me. Oh my goodness, the cheesecake is so good! Hasnul, one of the English teachers, and I went early to go walking in One Segamat, the new mall. I wanted to buy a gift for my friend who is about to have a baby (if she hasn’t already had him!). This excursion led to me discovering more delicious food options at the mall. Double whammy.








Special Moment #7

Lastly, the day finished with three hours of amazingness. During my 4B class, I asked the students if they wanted to jalan-jalan (go walking/hang out) tonight. A time and location was set. I agreed to bring Ultimate Frisbees and I asked a student to bring his guitar. When I returned home after school, I posted a status on my Teacher Facebook account to tell more students to come. Based on the amount of activity that post received, I knew that students would come; I just didn’t know how many.

There is a group of Form 6 students who play Ultimate pretty regularly after school. They came and brought more friends. Then some Form 4 students came, and then other students who saw my Facebook status. In the end, we had over 30 students there and not all of them were from my school! So many people that we had to play two separate games.
Not everyone played Ultimate at the same time. Since one of the students brought his guitar, several students played and sang while others played Ultimate. When I took a break from Ultimate, I taught a few students the chords to Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours”! And then I taught another student a few gymnastics moves. More Ultimate, more gymnastics, more laughing and running. Glorious night. We ended the night by combining fields and playing one big game all together.

Since we were playing at the dataran (town square), Ultimate received lots of exposure. The night market was finishing up when we started, the nightly Tai Chi group was exercising, a few people were jogging, and others were playing on the playground and sitting with their friends and family enjoying the night. Many people stopped to watch us. This is what I’d like the call the beginning of a mass ultimate takeover.



***

This is a long four-day weekend. Tuesday is Hari Raya Korban, an annual Islamic celebration commemorating Abraham’s willingness to sacrifice his son. Unfortunately, this means many cows will be slaughtered on Tuesday. I was going to travel for Saturday and Sunday and then return to Labis to celebrate the holiday with my student and her family, but the bus tickets were already sold out. Now, though, I am grateful that the tickets were sold out. This weekend is going to be fabulous and packed with great things, just like today.

The Caucasian Population Triples!

This is a long-overdue post about my family's visit to Labis in mid-August.

***

That’s right, folks, you heard it here first. The Caucasian population in Labis has tripled, from one mat salleh* to three!

Monday marked the official end to a two week school holiday. And what a lovely school holiday it was. I spent five days in my town Labis, celebrating the final days of Ramadhan with students and teachers and their families. Fasting all day, cooking in the late afternoon, breaking fast together at a table or on the floor, eating with our hands, watching and partaking in setting off fireworks, sharing photos and stories, until the clock chimed late-o'clock announcing my time to depart.

On Wednesday night, the eve of Raya, I took the overnight train to Singapore where, in the morning, I was reunited with my mother and sister! We spent that first day together walking around Singapore, seeing some wonderful sights. It was lovely reuniting with my family after eight months apart. For the next three days, my sister and I played for our respective countries’ Ultimate Frisbee teams at the Asia-Oceanic Ultimate Club Championship (AOUCC), the largest tournament in Asia where teams from 17 countries competed against each other to see who could come out on top. Malaysia has a relatively young team, in terms of playing experience, but this tournament was a great experience for our players and I know we all learned a lot, myself included. We ended up placing 19th out of 27 teams. We would have liked to do better, but we never gave up and fought through the last point of every game – what more can you ask? Robin’s team had more experienced players and performed quite well, making it to the Quarter finals and finally finishing 8th in the tournament.

A week in Indonesia – in Ubud and on Gili Meno – brought us back to Singapore just to hop on a train straight to Labis. I was so excited for my mom and sister to come to my home and see where I live and work in Malaysia. Unfortunately, they were only able to stay for two nights, one full day, but we somehow managed to pack most everything in. They met an overwhelming number of people at school and in town, ate an absurd amount of delicious Malaysian foods (even managing to eat with their hands!), and through it all somehow managed to keep smiles on their faces regardless of how tired they felt and how many photos they were asked to stand in.

Monday morning we arrived at school by 7am, giving us enough time to greet the headmaster before the morning assembly. As we sat down with the teachers, I briefed Mom and Robin on our morning schedule. Encik Wahab will introduce you in English and in Bahasa Malaysia. Then we will all be invited to the stage and you will be asked to say a few words. "Oh dear," Mom exclaims. But they successfully give their mini speeches and I say a few words before taking them on a tour of the school.

Throughout the day, we entered four classes - 4A, 4B, 2A, and 2B (the equivalent of 8th and 10th grades). Each class had questions for them and information about Malaysia to share. 2A got to play a short game with Robin, spurred by the question, "how do you teach drama?" The students really enjoyed that.

After school, we explored downtown, stopping at the bus station to buy their tickets to KL, buying sugar cane juice and fried bananas at the small stall next to the station and enjoying a cup of cendol (a Malaysian dessert) while we waited for our ride back to my house. After a short rest, Mom and I went to a Chinese friend's house for tea. And then shortly after returning home, we all left for a traditional Malaysian dinner at an Indian family's home.

On Tuesday morning, I went to school late so that I could take my mom and sister to the bus station. Another friend they had yet to meet picked us up in her car and we went to breakfast at my landlord's restaurant. Every step of their journey, Mom and Robin met someone who plays a significant role in my life in Labis. A teary-eyed goodbye and a drawn out wave later, my family is safely on the bus to Kuala Lumpur.

***

I'm so glad my mom and sister were able to come and see where I live and work. It meant so much to me and to my teachers and students. The students kept talking about my family for weeks after and still ask when they will return to Labis.


Robin writing in Korean for Form 4B


A special visit to the Special Education class


Form 2A asked many good questions to my family


Family photo with Form 2A


Thank you for the gift, Headmaster and English teachers!


Thank you for the lovely gift, class 2B!


A final farewell photo

Weddings Galore!

Doing the impossible: I attended four weddings in one day. I could never imagine doing this in the United States, but due to the structure of Malay weddings, this was easily possible.

Typically, only family and close friends of the bride and groom attend the actual wedding ceremony which is held in the morning. Other guests come for the reception and can come and go as they please anytime in the 4-6 hours time span. (For a full overview of a traditional Malaysian wedding, read my "Saying 'I DO' Malay Style" post - http://leslieinmalaysia.blogspot.com/2013/09/saying-i-do-malay-style.html.)

I attended the first three Malay weddings with my student, Liza, and her family. I had spent the previous afternoon helping her family at their restaurant. Since we were all going to the same weddings they next day, they invited me to join them.

The first wedding was for the older brother of two students at my school. Located in the next village, it was new territory for me. There were several tents set up in the road with tables and chairs for the guests. Buffet style food was available and immediately upon arriving, we were asked to eat and enjoy.

Liza and me at the first wedding


The couch where the bride and groom will sit to receive blessings from family and friends.


Unfortunately for us, it was very crowded when we arrived so there was nowhere to sit. We paid our respects to the families and took our leave. All the same, it was a beautiful function.

***

The second wedding was back in Labis. It was for the older brother of another student, one of Liza's friends and a student I have gotten to know quite well. This time, we stayed until the bride and groom arrived, and enjoyed a delicious lunch.

With some of my students. The groom's sister is second from the right.


The arrival of the bride and groom. This part of the ceremony is called "Bersanding." The couple is accompanied by their families and a group of young men playing traditional drums.


As this wedding was held in a hall rather than at the house, the newly-wed couple sat on the stage. Liza and I joined them for a photo!


***

On to the third wedding in a nearby town. This wedding was for the daughter of Liza's father's friend. I was invited to join Liza's family at this wedding even though I did not know the couple. Already full from lunch at the second wedding, we only ate dessert here. We greeted the couple and the families and departed within 30 minutes.

Liza's sister and her friend enjoying their desserts.


The lunch arrangement with the bridal party seated in the front.


The happy couple with their families.


***

Returning to Labis, I had a few hours to relax and complete some work before going to my mentor's house to prepare for the fourth and final wedding of the day. This was an Indian wedding and I was going to wear a sari!

Saris are quite difficult to arrange, so Thilaga, my mentor and friend, helped me. A few days earlier, I went to a student's house to be fitted for the sari blouse. Finding an orange one that fit, I chose a matching orange and maroon colored sari.

Here we are putting on the final accessories.


Ready to go to the wedding!



There are many small ceremonies that take place at Indian weddings. Here, the groom is receiving his toe ring. The toe rings have the same purpose as wedding rings, they show that the person is married.


Here is the hall in which the wedding took place.


Another view of the hall


The bride arrives in her second wedding sari.


Me with two of my students.


With students and family


With the beautiful, happy couple

A Reflection on Head Coverings

The conversation started when I posted a photo album online called “Ramadhan and Raya in Malaysia” in which I included photos of me wearing a hijab, breaking fast with teachers, students, families, and at school, selling and cooking periok kera, playing with fireworks, and chatting with my students on our motorbikes. All very fond memories for me. And all part of my daily life. I often, almost every day, take a step back from my experience and view it from a third person perspective. Without reflection, I go through my day like I’m in the US, taking to friends I’ve always had, engaging in activities I’ve always done, every day learning something new. For me, nothing is different, nothing feels out of place. But then, as I take my step back, I am able to see how much I am blessed, how different my life experiences are from many others’. Here I am, teaching in Malaysia. Every day, I am surrounded by people who desire to learn about me, my country, my language; people who thirst for knowledge though sometimes they are too shy to show it. I am surrounded by people who, despite our clear differences in appearance and background, have brought me into their families as a daughter, a sister, and a role model. Every day, I am surrounded by Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Taoists, and Christians; Malays, Indians, and Chinese; boys, girls, women, and men of all ages; Bahasa Malaysia speakers, Tamil speakers, Mandarin or Hokkien speakers, and English as a Second Language speakers; and not ever do I think that one person, for any given reason, is better than another. I am blessed beyond words.



Over the past eight months, I can see how I have grown, how I have learned about myself and the numerous distinct cultures that create the single culture that is Malaysia. How easily I forget that I am different, that my skin is white, that my hair is blonde, that my eyes are blue, that I have a silly accent, or that people constantly question my presence in this small town of Labis. It’s only when I meet new people or wear new cultural clothes, it’s only when other people ask me questions about my background or compliment me on my appearance in Malaysian clothes that I remember: I am indeed different. Not a good or bad different, just different. And I want to be different. After all, that’s who I am. I’m not Malaysian; I’m American. And this fact alone provides a golden opportunity for extensive two-way cultural exchange.

Every day I learn something new about Malaysia and every day I share something new about the United States. Occasionally, I write blogs and post pictures about my experiences so that my friends and family in the United States can also discover something about Malaysia, a place some cannot even find on a map. The pictures and blogs have raised some questions regarding the culture of Malaysia and the Islamic religion that I have been thankful for. For the two-way cultural exchange to be complete, I desire to share my newfound knowledge with my American friends and family.

I am thankful for this dialogue. I am thankful for the discussion that my photos have aroused. I am thankful for the opportunity to teach others about a religion and culture that is often misunderstood. I am thankful for the personal need to try to understand where perceptions, conceptions, and beliefs originate. I am thankful for my open-mindedness. I am blessed.


Here is the conversation regarding my photo album. The names of the individuals have been changed.

Amy I thought the very young girls weren't required to wear the head coverings.........?

Leslie Amy, the very young girls are typically not required to cover. It is often a choice made by the parents of the girls. When the girls reach puberty or enter secondary school, they usually start if they have not already. However, even if they do not cover in public, head scarves are a mandatory part of the primary and secondary school uniforms.

Sarah Mandatory is kind of sad, in my view.

Francis Don't forget, Sarah, you went to a school with a uniform that you had to wear. Same thing, just different.

Sarah And every Friday, we could wear whatever we wanted.

Amy AND, you could go to a different school which did not require a uniform.

Sarah exactly.

Leslie Try to look at it from the Malaysian or Muslim perspectives. I know it's difficult to understand, but this is part of the culture and religion. Malaysia is by definition an Islamic country. The Quran states that the women must cover to protect themselves from sin, avoid tempting the men, and to show respect to Allah. I have met adult Muslim women who don't cover at all. They believe it is not yet their calling. Non-Muslims are not required to wear head scarves and Muslims still do have a choice outside of governmental schools. However, covering their bodies is a symbol of devotion to their God and thus a way of life.

*****

Last weekend, I went to the wedding of a teacher’s younger sister. The bride is 24 years old, and this March, she started wearing the niqaab. Most Malay women wear the tudong which covers the neck and hair. The niqaab goes a step farther and covers the mouth and nose; thus, leaving only the eyes to be seen. I asked the bride about this decision, and she explained to me that she simply felt it was her calling. Covering is a sign of respect toward Allah. The extent of covering cannot truly be forced upon a person; the strength must be found within the person’s being. Asking my fellow teacher about it, she said that even she was surprised when her sister started wearing the niqaab. It made her rethink her pre-conceived notions about the niqaab, knowing well her sister’s social personality and devotion to Allah.





It’s easy to distrust what you cannot see. It’s easy to misunderstand people who and things which are different. It takes strength and desire to uncover the true meaning behind these differences. I have become very used to seeing the tudong; in fact, it is more noticeable to me now when I see a Malay woman’s hair. I admit, however, that I was quite shocked to see the bride wearing a niqaab on the day of her wedding, especially because she was not wearing it when I first met her.

The mother also wears the niqaab in public and has been wearing it for over 20 years. When I arrived at the house though, she wasn’t even wearing a tudong; she had on only an under cap – the hat which is wore under the tudong. So I was also quite surprised when I saw her wearing the niqaab later.

I have given much thought as to why my emotions were so different toward the bride and her mother when I saw them wearing the niqaab. I recognized feelings of confusion and surprise in myself. I questioned why they wear the niqaab; why isn’t the tudong enough for them? Why was I shocked and full of questioning at this added level of covering? After all, I don’t think twice about the tudongs. Perhaps it was good for me to get to know them and their personalities before I saw them fully covered. It helped distill my former perceptions of the niqaab as they were the first niqaab-wearing women with whom I have developed a relationship.

I think for me it has to do with not being able to see expression, of not knowing who is under the niqaab. The eyes alone can be very expressive, but I feel that the full emotion is revealed through the positioning of all of the facial muscles – together they create the whole expressive message. For me, that is all I have ever known. I am not used to only seeing eyes, and thus it was quite difficult for me to understand at first. I am glad I have had this opportunity to further my understanding of head coverings and what they mean to individual women.

I realize where Amy and Sarah are coming from; many Americans are not exposed to Islam and its teachings in the United States. The events of September 11th, 2001 still haunt many people’s thoughts about Muslims and continue to cause individuals to hold misconceptions about the Islam religion as a whole. September 11th greatly affected most, if not all, Americans. Even though the events were 12 years ago, the emotions remain – the misconceptions about Islam and its followers, the belief that most, if not all, Muslims are extremists and hate America. I believe these beliefs stem from a lack of knowledge and a fear of the unknown, or differences. The needed knowledge will not just suddenly appear; it must be sought out and discovered. I strongly believe that efforts, on both large and small scales, must be made to understand this major world religion.



Let’s all take this time to remember that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes. And the most important beauty is internal; it cannot be seen by the naked eye.

The Hungry Ghost Festival

Tonight is the last night of the seventh month of the Chinese lunar calendar; the month is known as Ghost Month. During this month every year, the Gates of Hell are opened and all the ghosts are able to roam freely through the worlds of the living and the dead. This is a time for the Chinese to pay their respects to their deceased ancestors and support them in the afterlife. There is a belief that if respects are not paid, it is likely that something bad will happen to the family – an illness, a death, a misfortune, etc. No one wants that to happen.

In Labis, a three-night Hungry Ghost Festival was held in our dataran (town square). Food stalls were set up along the road side selling the standard snacks and drinks one can find almost anywhere. On opposite sides of the large Taoist Temple, two secondary schools’ Chinese Societies had set up little restaurants and were selling food and drinks as a fundraiser. SMK Labis, my school, was one, so I spent several hours of the three evenings chatting with my students when they were not busy with customers.


My students cooking!


My students preparing food for their customers

Every night, there were people burning incense and praying to the God in a makeshift shelter and burning paper money in an enclosed, yet raging, fire. At 8:30pm each night, a live music and dance show began on the stage. The volume was turned to the highest notch so everyone within a kilometer radius could hear the music. The performances were modern and, by many Malaysians’ standards, “too sexy,” as the women were wearing revealing clothing. Every night the performers were the same, and the songs very similar. It was all done in Chinese, so I could not understand it at all, but it was still fascinating to watch with the local Chinese families.

Additionally, on the other side of the square was a hand puppet show. On the second night, I watched with the mother of one of my students who graciously translated the story about a rich man and his interactions with the people in his town and the monk who lived at the temple in the hills. I was told by another student that not many people watch the puppet show because it is supposed to be for the ghosts. I’m not sure if that belief is held by many; regardless, the children sure enjoyed the show!


Dragon prayer sticks


Burning paper money


Festival prayer area

The third night of the festival was the largest night of all. The modern song and dance concert, the puppet show, the paper money burning, the prayers, the secondary school Chinese Society restaurants, and the food stalls continued as usual. However, there were several additions to the Hungry Ghost Festival. For the previous two nights, there were long tables set up near the area for prayers, but they remained empty. On this last night, the tables were filled to the brim with offerings to the ancestors – rice, fruits, roasted pigs, baked foods, coffee, etc. There were also communal offerings, namely two pigs and three goats – skinned and still uncooked – on display at the head of the tables. There was an ongoing auction – a golden pig sold for over RM3,000! – a drawing for bicycles and other items, and group prayers led by Taoist leaders.


The tables of offerings for the ancestors


The auction

After having dinner at my school’s restaurant with one of my teachers, I joined a group of my Lower Form 6 students who were not volunteering. Together, we walked around the festival, and they attempted to answer all of my many questions.


Post-dinner with my teacher and my incredible students

This festival took place halfway through the month. Tonight, the last night of the lunar month, many Chinese families throughout town could be seen giving one last offering of prayers, incense, and paper money to the memory of their ancestors. Tonight, the gate between the two worlds closes once again. Until next year.

Saying "I Do" Malay Style

Several weeks ago, I was invited by a fellow teacher and friend to join her at her sister’s wedding. We would go to Kuala Lumpur on Friday to help with the preparations, the main ceremony would be on Saturday, and then on Sunday we would stay for the reception lunch, before returning to Labis. Let’s go.

*****

“Welcome Leslie! Sorry our house is so messy. I haven’t had the chance to clean it.” says the mother of the bride-to-be as she wipes the sweat that was beading on her forehead. It’s mid-afternoon, the sun is shining bright through the windows of the non-air conditioned house, and people are in high-action mode. It is the day before the wedding and many things remain to be done. “Thank goodness we are catering the food. If not, it would be so much more hectic.” I am told several times by multiple people. “No worries,” I assure the family, “I’m here to help.”

Within a short while after arriving, Hasnul and I are busying ourselves in the kitchen, preparing the tempeh sambal that we’ll eat for dinner. Once finished, I plopped down on the floor with the neighbors to help prepare the door gifts. The “Sam’s Club”-style crackers needed to be transferred to smaller bags and then placed in the gift bags along with an individually wrapped cupcake. In a few short hours, we prepared hundreds, literally hundreds, of gift bags while watching a large variety of television shows on the TV.

When we ran out of crackers, the women’s roles were finished, temporarily. We could relax while the men set up the tents and the ceremony room. Hasnul and I took the opportunity to go to Tasik Biru – Blue Lake – where there would be a Jet Ski Competition that weekend in honor of Independence Day. The competition had not yet started but there were some people out on their jet skis practicing for the races. We then enjoyed delicious Indian naan with curry at a local mamak stall.


Gift bag preparations

*****

Later that evening, a few relatives of the bride-to-be and I sat down to work our arm muscles while chopping pandan leaves into small pieces. Pandan is a green-leaf plant that is often used in cooking and as incense. It has an absolutely lovely smell, especially when finely chopped into potpourri.
In the other room, Shida’s friends were redoing her henna as they enjoyed each other’s company, basking in the bride-to-be’s happiness. Laughter could constantly be heard emanating from the room.


Pandan leaves


The bride-to-be getting her henna redone by her university friends

*****

The next morning came quickly. The tables and chairs were set up outside the house, blocking the road, per usual. The final preparations to the ceremony room were completed. Additional food was prepared for the family, including mee goreng (fried noodles) and karibu (mango salad). The bride-to-be was making the final decisions on her wedding-day make-up, simultaneously trying to stay calm. Before we knew it, the guests started arriving.


Morning food preparations

*****

At 10:00am, the bridegroom and his family arrived. First, the bridegroom’s gifts to his bride were brought inside and placed on the carpet. Breakfast was taken by the wedding guests until the ceremony was ready to begin and everyone took their seats on the floor around the outskirts of the room.
Malaysian wedding ceremonies are very different from wedding ceremonies in the United States. The whole process is completed while sitting on the floor, the bride and groom on separate white daises. The imam leads the ceremony, directing his words toward to the groom. The father of the bride is seated next to the groom and the imam, together the three men forming a triangle. The imam takes his time advising the groom on the do’s and don’t’s of married life. He reminds him of the rights of his new wife and prepares him for this new adventure.

The groom and the father-of-the-bride partake in a long-lasting handshake symbolizing the handing over of the bride from her father’s care to the care of her new husband. The imam brings out the solemnization papers which the groom proceeds to sign, taking a quick glance at his glowing bride. Prayers are said and more advice is given before the newly-wed couple stands and exits the room to go pray for a successful marriage.


The ceremony


The symbolic handshake


Prayer

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Upon their return, the bride and groom, smiling from ear to ear, even visible through the burka Shida wears, sit on the pelamin and are immediately bombarded with cameras. Instead of a wedding ring, the bride is given a gold bracelet which the groom clasps on her wrist to the sounds of many camera shutters. It is such a joyful atmosphere; everyone is happy and enjoying themselves. Many photos are taken.


The groom placing the bracelet on the bride's wrist


The happy, young couple


Bride's family photo, plus me

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With the formal ceremony over, the guests help themselves to the buffet-style food. Malay weddings are not structured so that everyone must attend the above mentioned ceremony. Rather, the guests are able to come and go as they please, and it is very common that guests do not come for the solemnization but just for the food and to pay their respects to the couple. Our ceremony started at 10:00am and guests kept arriving until well after the stated end time of 3:00pm.


Wedding lunch buffet


Hasnul (left) and her sister giving the wedding gifts to the guests and children

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The next day, the groom’s family hosted the reception. Malay weddings have two parts – the official ceremony is hosted by the bride’s family in her hometown, and then a smaller function with the groom’s family is conducted in his hometown. Since, in this case, the bride and groom were both from Kuala Lumpur, they were able to have the two events on back-to-back days. It is common, however, for the second ceremony to be held a week or two after the solemnization. Another delicious meal surrounded by friends and family, more photos of the happy couple and their families, and additional door gifts were taken.


Cutting the cake


All smiles


Sister love

It was a glorious wedding for a gorgeous couple. I am honored to have been a part of it and to have been accepted as an honorary member of the bride’s family for the weekend. May Shida and Hilmi have a long, successful, and harmonious marriage.


Me and Hasnul