*****
“Welcome Leslie! Sorry our house is so messy. I haven’t had the chance to clean it.” says the mother of the bride-to-be as she wipes the sweat that was beading on her forehead. It’s mid-afternoon, the sun is shining bright through the windows of the non-air conditioned house, and people are in high-action mode. It is the day before the wedding and many things remain to be done. “Thank goodness we are catering the food. If not, it would be so much more hectic.” I am told several times by multiple people. “No worries,” I assure the family, “I’m here to help.”
Within a short while after arriving, Hasnul and I are busying ourselves in the kitchen, preparing the tempeh sambal that we’ll eat for dinner. Once finished, I plopped down on the floor with the neighbors to help prepare the door gifts. The “Sam’s Club”-style crackers needed to be transferred to smaller bags and then placed in the gift bags along with an individually wrapped cupcake. In a few short hours, we prepared hundreds, literally hundreds, of gift bags while watching a large variety of television shows on the TV.
When we ran out of crackers, the women’s roles were finished, temporarily. We could relax while the men set up the tents and the ceremony room. Hasnul and I took the opportunity to go to Tasik Biru – Blue Lake – where there would be a Jet Ski Competition that weekend in honor of Independence Day. The competition had not yet started but there were some people out on their jet skis practicing for the races. We then enjoyed delicious Indian naan with curry at a local mamak stall.
Gift bag preparations
*****
Later that evening, a few relatives of the bride-to-be and I sat down to work our arm muscles while chopping pandan leaves into small pieces. Pandan is a green-leaf plant that is often used in cooking and as incense. It has an absolutely lovely smell, especially when finely chopped into potpourri.
In the other room, Shida’s friends were redoing her henna as they enjoyed each other’s company, basking in the bride-to-be’s happiness. Laughter could constantly be heard emanating from the room.
Pandan leaves
The bride-to-be getting her henna redone by her university friends
*****
The next morning came quickly. The tables and chairs were set up outside the house, blocking the road, per usual. The final preparations to the ceremony room were completed. Additional food was prepared for the family, including mee goreng (fried noodles) and karibu (mango salad). The bride-to-be was making the final decisions on her wedding-day make-up, simultaneously trying to stay calm. Before we knew it, the guests started arriving.
Morning food preparations
*****
At 10:00am, the bridegroom and his family arrived. First, the bridegroom’s gifts to his bride were brought inside and placed on the carpet. Breakfast was taken by the wedding guests until the ceremony was ready to begin and everyone took their seats on the floor around the outskirts of the room.
Malaysian wedding ceremonies are very different from wedding ceremonies in the United States. The whole process is completed while sitting on the floor, the bride and groom on separate white daises. The imam leads the ceremony, directing his words toward to the groom. The father of the bride is seated next to the groom and the imam, together the three men forming a triangle. The imam takes his time advising the groom on the do’s and don’t’s of married life. He reminds him of the rights of his new wife and prepares him for this new adventure.
The groom and the father-of-the-bride partake in a long-lasting handshake symbolizing the handing over of the bride from her father’s care to the care of her new husband. The imam brings out the solemnization papers which the groom proceeds to sign, taking a quick glance at his glowing bride. Prayers are said and more advice is given before the newly-wed couple stands and exits the room to go pray for a successful marriage.
The ceremony
The symbolic handshake
Prayer
*****
Upon their return, the bride and groom, smiling from ear to ear, even visible through the burka Shida wears, sit on the pelamin and are immediately bombarded with cameras. Instead of a wedding ring, the bride is given a gold bracelet which the groom clasps on her wrist to the sounds of many camera shutters. It is such a joyful atmosphere; everyone is happy and enjoying themselves. Many photos are taken.
The groom placing the bracelet on the bride's wrist
The happy, young couple
Bride's family photo, plus me
*****
With the formal ceremony over, the guests help themselves to the buffet-style food. Malay weddings are not structured so that everyone must attend the above mentioned ceremony. Rather, the guests are able to come and go as they please, and it is very common that guests do not come for the solemnization but just for the food and to pay their respects to the couple. Our ceremony started at 10:00am and guests kept arriving until well after the stated end time of 3:00pm.
Wedding lunch buffet
Hasnul (left) and her sister giving the wedding gifts to the guests and children
*****
The next day, the groom’s family hosted the reception. Malay weddings have two parts – the official ceremony is hosted by the bride’s family in her hometown, and then a smaller function with the groom’s family is conducted in his hometown. Since, in this case, the bride and groom were both from Kuala Lumpur, they were able to have the two events on back-to-back days. It is common, however, for the second ceremony to be held a week or two after the solemnization. Another delicious meal surrounded by friends and family, more photos of the happy couple and their families, and additional door gifts were taken.
Cutting the cake
All smiles
Sister love
It was a glorious wedding for a gorgeous couple. I am honored to have been a part of it and to have been accepted as an honorary member of the bride’s family for the weekend. May Shida and Hilmi have a long, successful, and harmonious marriage.
Me and Hasnul
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