Saying "I Do" Malay Style

Several weeks ago, I was invited by a fellow teacher and friend to join her at her sister’s wedding. We would go to Kuala Lumpur on Friday to help with the preparations, the main ceremony would be on Saturday, and then on Sunday we would stay for the reception lunch, before returning to Labis. Let’s go.

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“Welcome Leslie! Sorry our house is so messy. I haven’t had the chance to clean it.” says the mother of the bride-to-be as she wipes the sweat that was beading on her forehead. It’s mid-afternoon, the sun is shining bright through the windows of the non-air conditioned house, and people are in high-action mode. It is the day before the wedding and many things remain to be done. “Thank goodness we are catering the food. If not, it would be so much more hectic.” I am told several times by multiple people. “No worries,” I assure the family, “I’m here to help.”

Within a short while after arriving, Hasnul and I are busying ourselves in the kitchen, preparing the tempeh sambal that we’ll eat for dinner. Once finished, I plopped down on the floor with the neighbors to help prepare the door gifts. The “Sam’s Club”-style crackers needed to be transferred to smaller bags and then placed in the gift bags along with an individually wrapped cupcake. In a few short hours, we prepared hundreds, literally hundreds, of gift bags while watching a large variety of television shows on the TV.

When we ran out of crackers, the women’s roles were finished, temporarily. We could relax while the men set up the tents and the ceremony room. Hasnul and I took the opportunity to go to Tasik Biru – Blue Lake – where there would be a Jet Ski Competition that weekend in honor of Independence Day. The competition had not yet started but there were some people out on their jet skis practicing for the races. We then enjoyed delicious Indian naan with curry at a local mamak stall.


Gift bag preparations

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Later that evening, a few relatives of the bride-to-be and I sat down to work our arm muscles while chopping pandan leaves into small pieces. Pandan is a green-leaf plant that is often used in cooking and as incense. It has an absolutely lovely smell, especially when finely chopped into potpourri.
In the other room, Shida’s friends were redoing her henna as they enjoyed each other’s company, basking in the bride-to-be’s happiness. Laughter could constantly be heard emanating from the room.


Pandan leaves


The bride-to-be getting her henna redone by her university friends

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The next morning came quickly. The tables and chairs were set up outside the house, blocking the road, per usual. The final preparations to the ceremony room were completed. Additional food was prepared for the family, including mee goreng (fried noodles) and karibu (mango salad). The bride-to-be was making the final decisions on her wedding-day make-up, simultaneously trying to stay calm. Before we knew it, the guests started arriving.


Morning food preparations

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At 10:00am, the bridegroom and his family arrived. First, the bridegroom’s gifts to his bride were brought inside and placed on the carpet. Breakfast was taken by the wedding guests until the ceremony was ready to begin and everyone took their seats on the floor around the outskirts of the room.
Malaysian wedding ceremonies are very different from wedding ceremonies in the United States. The whole process is completed while sitting on the floor, the bride and groom on separate white daises. The imam leads the ceremony, directing his words toward to the groom. The father of the bride is seated next to the groom and the imam, together the three men forming a triangle. The imam takes his time advising the groom on the do’s and don’t’s of married life. He reminds him of the rights of his new wife and prepares him for this new adventure.

The groom and the father-of-the-bride partake in a long-lasting handshake symbolizing the handing over of the bride from her father’s care to the care of her new husband. The imam brings out the solemnization papers which the groom proceeds to sign, taking a quick glance at his glowing bride. Prayers are said and more advice is given before the newly-wed couple stands and exits the room to go pray for a successful marriage.


The ceremony


The symbolic handshake


Prayer

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Upon their return, the bride and groom, smiling from ear to ear, even visible through the burka Shida wears, sit on the pelamin and are immediately bombarded with cameras. Instead of a wedding ring, the bride is given a gold bracelet which the groom clasps on her wrist to the sounds of many camera shutters. It is such a joyful atmosphere; everyone is happy and enjoying themselves. Many photos are taken.


The groom placing the bracelet on the bride's wrist


The happy, young couple


Bride's family photo, plus me

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With the formal ceremony over, the guests help themselves to the buffet-style food. Malay weddings are not structured so that everyone must attend the above mentioned ceremony. Rather, the guests are able to come and go as they please, and it is very common that guests do not come for the solemnization but just for the food and to pay their respects to the couple. Our ceremony started at 10:00am and guests kept arriving until well after the stated end time of 3:00pm.


Wedding lunch buffet


Hasnul (left) and her sister giving the wedding gifts to the guests and children

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The next day, the groom’s family hosted the reception. Malay weddings have two parts – the official ceremony is hosted by the bride’s family in her hometown, and then a smaller function with the groom’s family is conducted in his hometown. Since, in this case, the bride and groom were both from Kuala Lumpur, they were able to have the two events on back-to-back days. It is common, however, for the second ceremony to be held a week or two after the solemnization. Another delicious meal surrounded by friends and family, more photos of the happy couple and their families, and additional door gifts were taken.


Cutting the cake


All smiles


Sister love

It was a glorious wedding for a gorgeous couple. I am honored to have been a part of it and to have been accepted as an honorary member of the bride’s family for the weekend. May Shida and Hilmi have a long, successful, and harmonious marriage.


Me and Hasnul

Ramadhan: A Journey in Photos

The Holy Month of Ramadhan was upon us before I knew it. I had many incredible, eye-opening, memorable experiences during this month. I learned so much about myself, about the Malaysian culture, and about the Islamic faith. I could have taken one step at a time or hopped right in. I jumped. Here are some of my stories:

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What better time than during Ramadhan, the Islamic Holy Month, to try on a hijab?



And get your photo taken with so many people!


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In solidarity with my teachers and students, I fasted for the entire month. While it wasn't too difficult not eating from 6am to 7:30pm, not drinking water in the Malaysian heat was. But I managed. And having the opportunity to break my fast with friends and families made everything worth it. I even got to teach how to cook Mexican food!



And then there was the evening of the school Iftar. All the teachers and some students returned to school for prayers and a joint breaking of our fasts. We sat on the floor in the surau, the Muslim worship hall on the school grounds, and ate delicious foods prepared by one of our own!



I wore a hijab again as a sign of respect for entering the place of worship.



Here we are lining up for our food. The women ate on one side of the surau, and the men ate on the other.



So it wasn't until after the meal when I was able to spend time with my male students. They are such fun, energetic individuals!


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There are many special foods during Ramadhan and Hari Raya at the end of the month. I taught some of my students how to bake Cream Cheese Cookies. It took us a while to get them right, but we did, and they were delicious!



And then we broke our fast together with dinner from the Bazaar Ramadhan!


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The Bazaar Ramadhan was a food market that stood in our town square for the duration of the month. Every day from 2pm until 7pm, there were many stalls selling various foods. I frequented the Bazaar quite often as I knew several of the people working and always saw some of my students.



One of the food stalls and the lovely ladies working it. They are selling traditional Malaysian foods.



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In addition to, or instead of, working at the Bazaar, many families will sell additional items during Ramadhan in order to have a some extra money for the Duit Raya, small money packets that are given to the children/unmarried individuals. Here I am with one of my teachers and her son selling periok kera.



These are periok kera, literally translating to "monkey pots." They are picked from the forests, washed, and filled with glutinous rice and coconut milk before being steamed.



After a long day of selling periok kera, we decided to go to the local waterfall to relax in the river. We had breath-holding competitions, splashing fights, and accepted the challenge to catch little fish with our bare hands. It was a successful mission.



Back at the house, we went to the garden to pick fruits. Here I am trying to get mangosteens from the tree using a long bamboo pole that is split at the end.



Soon enough, it was time to break our fast. I had the privilege of serving the rice, and then together we all enjoyed the food.



There are always so many options. And of course, everyone tells me not to be shy and to take more and more and more.



Perhaps the time most enjoyed by children is in the evenings when they can play with fireworks. There were sparklers, fireworks that stayed on the ground, and, if you're lucky, fireworks that shoot into the air


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Another night, I was invited to a students' house. She has 9 siblings, and two of them also attend my school. These are the three siblings who go to my school.



The night before I came, their extended family from Indonesia had arrived. There were nearly 30 people in the house. What a lovely, and occasionally loud, environment! We ate together on the floor, family-style.



And again, there were fireworks!



And they were clearly enjoyed.



Back inside the house, my students' mother and grandmother had returned from prayers. I was invited to try on the telkung, the traditional covering worn by women for prayers. Naturally, the occasion wasn't complete without some photos.



At the end of the night, the mother wanted to give me a gift. This is a painting done by her second oldest daughter and it's absolutely stunning.



In the morning, I met the family again at their durian farm. DUring the night durians fall from the trees and must then be collected.



Of all the durians we collected, I was only able to find one. I guess my eye is not trained to find durians yet! (My nose is however!)



There were also rubber trees in the forest. Some people were collecting the latex while we were there.


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ON the last night of Ramadhan, I joined one of my teachers and her family to prepare their Iftar meal. I learned how to cook rendang, a spicy, dry meat curry, and periok kera.



Here we are filling the periok kera with rice and coconut milk!



Time to eat. Her girls were adorable and quickly warmed up to me. I helped the oldest with her Englist homework before the night was finished.


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That same night, instead of going straight home, I decided to ride through the Malay neighborhoods where I know many of my students live. The next three hours were spent joking and laughing...



eating at one of the boy's house (more traditional foods)...



taking pictures, and playing guitar. I had to cut my night short at 1am as I had a train to catch at 3am and still needed to finish packing.


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Spending Ramadhan in Malaysia was incredible. It was a great opportunity to learn more about the Islamic faith, develop stronger relationships with my students and teachers, and become more fully engaged in the local culture. I say let's do it again!

A Day of Hijabs and Burritos

Every Friday night there is a Pasar Malam, or Night Market in Labis. It’s in the Dataran (Town Square), and many booths are set up selling all sorts of food, clothes, and miscellaneous items. The tents and tables start to appear in the early afternoon and are gone by 9pm the same night. This month, as it is the Holy Month of Ramadan, there is also a Bazaar Ramadan, semi-permanently set up in the center of the Dataran. The tables and tents remain all day and night, but the people and the food is only present from about 2pm to 7pm every day.

Every weekend I don’t travel, I enjoy going to the Pasar Malam. This is one such weekend. A 15-20 minute walk down the road from my house brings me right to the Dataran. Once there, I am immediately encouraged to buy food from many of the stalls I pass. Graciously, I decline.

One of the great things about living in a small town is that everywhere I go, I typically see someone I know. Tonight was no exception. Within five minutes, I run into four of my Form 5 students. They invite me to walk with them as they purchase food with which to break their fast later that evening. As we walk, I see other students as well as the wonderful women who work at our school canteen. I engage my acquaintances in short conversations using a mixture of English and Bahasa Malaysia depending on each of our abilities.

Once these students finish buying their food, they wished to return home. I walked them to their motorcycles, passing a few more students along the way. As soon as they leave, I am greeted by Latif, the man who catered for my most recent English camp. He is a very nice man, always eager to speak with me. As he owns one of the stalls at Bazaar Ramadan, he politely “forced” me to follow him so he could give me a take-away container of biryani rice “usually eaten with goat, but for you, I give you the fruit side.” For the record, it was delicious.

As I still had not made it through the Night Market, I continue walking, only to meet more of my students. As we are greeting, one of our English teachers arrives. See why I love small towns? Anyway, they invite me to walk with them, an opportunity I will never turn down. Conversations shift from one topic to another and eventually come to a discussion about clothes. At one point I mention that I want to learn how to wrap a hijab, one of the many styles of head scarves. They link their arms in mine and together we walk to the clothes section of the market. We found a style I liked and they picked out the color, a light blue that hopefully matches my blue baju kurong. I also needed a head cap (I’m not sure what these are actually called). It’s a knit cap in which the women keep all of their hair so none of it shows if the hijab shifts. Final preparation step, we needed to buy the pins to hold the hijab in place. Since I am a simple person, I picked out simple pins, shiny gems with no bling.

“Teacher, tomorrow you bring everything to school and during break, we will teach you how to wear.” Yes ma’am. What a glorious trip to the market.

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Today we had school. Yes, on Saturday. It was a replacement day for the day they cancelled school a few weeks ago because of the haze from the Indonesian fires. During the upper form break, about halfway through the school day, I met these four students, with another friend, at the surau, the Muslim prayer room. When it is not prayer time, non-Muslims are able to enter. In the side room, Syarizan, a teacher I really like, and a couple students were preparing a bulletin board. When they realized what was going on, they stopped and came to watch and help. Here are some photos to show the process of dressing a hijab. The tudongs, what the students are wearing, are much easier to put on as you literally only have to slip them over your head. However, I prefer the styles of the hijab.


Tying up my hair in preparation


Putting on the hair cap


Attaching the first pin


Attaching the second and third pins, one on top of my head and one on my left shoulder


Still pinning


With Syarizan


Group photo!

Can you only imagine the responses I got from the teachers and students when they saw me?! I got exclamations of disbelief, looks that lacked recognition, and once I was recognized, I received compliments on how beautiful or different I looked. Recently, we have had several new teachers come to the school, so many people thought I was just another new teacher, or even a new student. Until they looked at my face for literally 5 or more seconds. I wish I had a video camera to record the reactions of everyone when they realized it was me wearing a hijab. Malay students of all forms enjoyed helping me fix it when it shifted slightly throughout the rest of the day. Teacher becomes student, students become teachers – the beauty of cultural exchange.


Even the boys wanted to wear a hijab! Possibly my favorite picture.


With Lia, my desk mate

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To make the day complete with more cultural exchange, Hasnul and I broke fast together again. This time, I taught her the ever desired Mexican food. Last year’s ETA wanted to teach her, but they ran out of time. We made burritos with all the vegetarian toppings – rice, black beans, sautéed green peppers and onions, home-made tomato salsa, and fresh, home-made guacamole, topped with Mexican blend shredded cheese on a wholegrain tortilla. First burrito success!


Hasnul, me, and the makings of burritos


The food


Hasnul about to wrap her first burrito!!

Fasting in Solidarity

10 July marked the beginning of the holy month of Ramadhan. During this 30 day period, all Muslims around the world must refrain from eating and drinking during daylight hours. In Malaysia, that is about 13 hours. Fasting is one of the Five Pillars of Islam. It is a time for spiritual purification and the recognition of oneself and the denial of one’s worldly desires. Many Muslims will also give to charity during this time, as they experience conditions more similar to that of the poor.

This year, I am fasting. Although it is not a religious act for me, it is an opportunity for me to show solidarity with my students and fellow Muslim teachers. I also benefit from reflection and recognizing my personal and worldly desires as I refrain from eating and drinking for 13 hours every day, from 6:30am to 7:30pm. Today marks my sixth day of fasting. I missed four days last week due to traveling with the Tamil Society at my school on their annual trip. (See previous blog!) In the Islamic faith, sick persons, menstruating women, the elderly, and travelers are exempt from fasting, but those who are able must make up these days before the following Ramadhan.

The Muslim teachers at my school appreciate my efforts while the non-Muslim teachers are impressed with my determination. Most days it is not too difficult to fast as long as I keep myself busy. I notice that when I am home, I have a tendency to nibble on snacks throughout the afternoon. Now, I cannot engage in such acts. I am actually eating better. I am cooking every night. I am making sure I have a hearty breakfast (though that’s really the same as always), and I am drinking more water.

Not drinking anything during the day is the most difficult, though I certainly think it could be worse. Malaysia is hot and humid all year round. For the past two months or so, it has not rained at all in Labis. However, recently, for the past two weeks, it has started raining again. We have had several rainstorms during the school day and every day is more overcast than it used to be. Thus, the sun is not as hot and energy can be saved.

I was warned to expect that my students would have less energy, but really, I haven’t noticed much change. My most energetic classes are still just as rowdy. My quiet classes are just as quiet. I have only noticed that my throat gets scratchier throughout the day from teaching.

I don’t know how long I will fast, but at this point, I’m thinking about trying the whole month. Why not? This is the chance for me to do it. And I’m becoming closer to some of my co-workers because of it. The best part of Ramadhan is Iftar, the meal that breaks the fast. On Monday, I had Iftar, with Hasnul, one of the English teachers. She has recently started cooking more and was very willing to try some vegetarian options. We made vegetarian tom yam soup (a local dish) and vegetable omelets. Of course there was also rice. We have plans to cook together again on Saturday. This time – Spanish burritos.

Ramadhan Mubarak. Happy Ramadhan!